“Renewed and even increased energy can result from a great conversation.”
— Ronn Lehmann
In our book “Conversations for Clarity: Critical Questions Leaders Must Ask Themselves” my Success Authorities colleagues and I advocate for the power of Conversations. No surprise, as the clue is in the title.
Recently I experienced that power first-hand. I had the immense good fortune to have five great conversations, one per day, Monday through Friday. Each conversation involved different people and different topics, but had three things in common:
- Prior to each, I was energized to have the conversation.
- During each, I felt energized by the conversation.
- Following each, I left with more energy because of the conversation.
This contrasted with many other conversations I have had. Prior to, my energy level was high, neutral, or low. During, it fluctuated. And following, my energy level was often lower than when I showed up.
What to make of this? Well, I always thought that having low energy after a conversation was the result of all the effort I put in to being a good listener and curious questioner. But after last week, I am convinced that loss of energy isn’t the inevitable outcome of a conversation; in fact, renewed and even increased energy can result from a great conversation.
Which begs the question: How can I have more of those?
Certainly, the person I’m with in the conversation is important. But it’s not what’s most important. What really matters is how I show up, the energy I bring, my curiosity, and my willingness to ask more than tell.
In a TEDX presentation on YouTube titled “10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation”, journalist Celeste Headlee has guidance for how we can each play our part in creating great conversations. Here are my key takeaways:
- I must be present in each moment of the conversation. No checking my phone, no thinking about what happened before or will happen after. Being truly present takes energy and effort, but I know I’ll get more energy when I do.
- I must show up with the goal of learning something, keeping in mind the wisdom of Bill Nye: Everyone I will ever meet knows something that I don’t.
- I must be curious, ask good questions, and really listen to the replies. I’m too often distracted when I should be listening. Sometimes I’m busy filtering what I’ve heard through my experiences, or preparing my reply and/or next question, or readying my story of a similar experience to demonstrate how empathic I am. That’s not really listening, and it’s sure not being present.
In those five conversations in one week, I believe I was present, I looked for what I could learn, and listened to get those learnings. I need to check with the participants in those conversations to see if they share my view, but in the meantime, I’ve proven (to myself at least) that I can do it. My challenge is to continue to do it.
Now, that’s easier when the other person is taking the same approach. But even when that’s not the case, I can still choose to make the conversation as great as possible, and engage in a way that invites the other person to do the same.
Is that a guarantee that all my conversations will be great? Unlikely. But if I work on being a great participant, I know I’ll have more great conversations.
So, the next time you and I have a conversation, let me know how I’m doing. I’ll do my best to listen and learn from you.
Ronn Lehmann advises organizations and leaders on the human factors that determine their culture. Lehmann developed the Cultural Audit Process, which is designed to provide an outside perspective of an organization’s culture: what’s important, what’s rewarded and punished, what the rules are, and how people “show up.”
Success Authorities’ book, “Conversations for Clarity: Critical Questions Leaders Must Ask Themselves” is available now at Amazon!
