Simple to Say…But Difficult to Do.
“The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it.”
— General Norman Schwarzkopf
Years ago I was sitting in a CEO’s office as he described a difficult decision he had just made. He used a phrase that really resonated with me:
“Go awkward early.”
Three simple words illuminate a larger truth: The sooner we face up to a difficult situation, the better.
We, humans, have a great fear of looking bad, or of not being liked. When we are faced with an awkward situation, our first inclination is to avoid dealing with it. And that sometimes works…for a while. But inevitably, we avoid something until the problem has advanced to a stage where avoidance is no longer an option. As Kinky Friedman noted, “If you’re patient and wait long enough, something will usually happen. And it’ll usually be something you don’t like.”
History—both distant and recent —is rife with examples of waiting too long to “go awkward.” Watergate, Wells Fargo, the Boeing 737 Max, countless politicians…all situations in which the original problem, if faced immediately, could have been less damaging in the long run.
Awkward situations are like traffic tickets. They don’t get better with avoidance. We all face awkward situations in our personal and work lives. The issue is not that we have these challenges; it is how we respond to them that makes the difference.
It’s important to recognize that the fears we have are largely made up; they are irrational fears based on our wanting to avoid imagined damage to our core self.
By facing up to awkward situations when they first arise, we stand a much better chance of mitigating the damage. Because what is awkward today, if avoided, will surely become painful tomorrow.
Most of the situations that we would tag as “awkward” involve other humans: delivering bad news, confronting non-performance, and risking disappointing or hurting others. Most of us would prefer to never have to face those kinds of interactions.
But they are an immutable fact of life. We will face awkward situations because we are all human. And humans make mistakes.
Don’t compound mistakes with avoidance or cover-ups. Difficult as it may be, it’s only going to get worse with time.
When faced with an awkward situation:
- Get the facts of the situation.
- Check out what you are “making up”; your interpretation of the situation.
- Examine what scares you about this situation.
Once you’ve prepared, have the awkward conversation:
- Start by stating that you want their help in resolving the problem.
- Share your understanding of the situation.
- Ask for their view of the situation.
- Ask for and share ideas for resolution.
- End with a clear understanding of who will do what to resolve the situation.
If you are faced with an awkward truth, go public as soon as you can. Don’t wait until the perfect time. There won’t ever be a perfect time. Get as much information out as fast as you can. If it is a fluid situation, acknowledge that; say that this is what you know now, and as more information is gained, you will share it.
Avoiding a problem, waiting for a better time, hoping that something will go away or fix itself—that’s a Sucker’s Game. You risk future pain by avoiding a current twinge.
Take my friend’s advice: Go awkward early.
Contact Success Authorities for more information on improving communication to resolve awkward situations.